This was a tough decision: buy a new car or a used armored truck. Both were available. The truck was cheaper. Also older and scarred with an interesting pattern of bullet dents. Proof, evidently, that the armor works.
The window glass was pristine. So there’s no knowing how resistant it is to incoming bullets.
Why take an armored truck over a shiny new sedan? Easy. Someone bashes into it in a parking lot, no biggie. Ditto if someone keys what’s left of the paint job.
And it’s great for busting through DWI checkpoints.
When the cop tells you to roll the window down, you can’t. And he can’t make you. When you try to parallel park and hit a fire hydrant, no damage to the bumper.
The truck gets lousy gas mileage. But if you drive only locally, that’s no biggie either. It also rattles your bones something awful, but it’s smoother than a WWII era Jeep and more maneuverable and simpler than an F-250.
Fans of older cars worry that their carefully restored 1956 Packard would become a magnet for vandals. Same with fancy sports cars. The truck would invite the same vandalism and then repel it with a smirk. (Go ahead. Make my day!)
But we settled on the plain-Jane sedan. And that’s not a sexist reference. The car’s “voice” is female. And slinky. Seductive, even.
Didn’t know she was there. But then, one day, out of the blue, “What would you like me to do?” The reply was something the editors here would blue pencil. But it had to do with increasing the earth’s population. Indirectly.
We’ve become friends since then. She dials telephone numbers, plays music and teaches how to avoid the dreary superfund site that radio has become.
So, the sedan with the talking slinky woman was the logical choice. And when making a major purchase, logic should play at least some role.
Someone else bought the armored truck. It is rolling around town, a moving billboard for a sandwich shop. Pangs of regret? Sure. But pangs of regret beat buyer’s remorse any day of the week.
Shrapnel:
--Takata, famous for making vehicle airbags with minds of their own stopped safety audits to cut costs. How’s that working out for you, fellas? Probably a little more expensive than your bean counters figured.
--Have you noticed that ads for pet medicine have started warning of possible side effects and advising precautions? Not a bad idea. But how about labeling small toys as choking hazards for Great Danes and Irish Wolfhounds?
--Anyone else wondering about this? Non-candidate Mitt Romney might be waiting in the wings while the mob of competing competitors for the Republican presidential nomination kill each other off? We didn’t believe 47% of what came out of Mitt’s mouth last time around, so why believe him now when he says he won’t run?
I’m Wes Richards. My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®
Please address comments to wesrichards@gmail.com
© WJR 2015
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